I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i think i just lost a toe
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
