whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
