CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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