wakey wakey hands off snakey
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
