I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
