Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
