You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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