She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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