I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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