dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
