i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
