just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
