we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize