i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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