The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
