Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
