I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
