I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
