I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
