Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
