Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
