On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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