ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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