Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
