thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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