honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
