I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
