I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
