; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
