this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
this hospital has no fireball
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have post one night stand depression
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
