i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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