He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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