Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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