i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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