Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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