he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
