Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
