I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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