3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
