If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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