Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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