Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
