I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
