I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
