It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
