well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
