I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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