She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
