u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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