Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
