so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
