I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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