It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
