When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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