she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
