dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
