She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize