i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
