Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize