You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize