So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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