Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
