dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
