oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
