I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
