I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
