I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
