Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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