In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
