Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
