What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize