I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
